The Holidays Can Be Very Lonely🥺

A struggle no one really talks about.

I grew up in a family that wasn't even sure about their holiday traditions🤣🤣🤣….one year, we celebrate Christmas, cook plenty food, invite friends, party, eat asun till you damn near throw up. Then my dad went to mecca, became Alhaji, and the parties stopped! Like literally...nothing...they didnt even ease us into “the change”. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm being dramatic. I know.

But even though we stopped hosting parties, people came home from school and wherever else they lived during the year so it was always a full house. Cousins would visit...our dining table was always busy. Fun memories.

And then everyone got older, went away and stayed away😔

Sigh!!! While the holidays are marketed as the "happiest time of the year," the reality is more complex. For alot of people, it’s a time of reflection on what is missing - a loved one who has passed away, a family/lover they’re estranged from, or a support system they no longer have.

The holidays really can be very lonely. One minute you have family to hang out with and play catch up with and the very next minute, you don't. That can be tough on the mental and the physical and the mental.

The season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. Streets are lit with festive lights, stores overflow with decorations, and social media is awash with pictures of families and friends coming together. But for many, the holidays are a stark reminder of isolation, a time when feelings of loneliness can become overwhelming.

Zenith Bank road is lit, complete, end to end and the parties and concerts and the i-just-got-backs and everybody is here. By now, you know that my Christmases has been in naija.

However!!! For alot of people, it’s a stark reminder of loneliness…even in that well lit Lagos.

All the cheerful lights, festive music, and social gatherings can feel overwhelming when you're facing the holidays alone, creating a sense of isolation that’s hard to ignore. And I can tell you ladies and gents lmao….the feeling of loneliness is the worst. I used think it was feeling of regret or guilt but I think the feeling of being alone is the absolute worst!🤪

Here are some of the reasons the season can be lonely:

Loss of a loved one or loved onesss: You see this one ehn?! It is a tough one…very hard. It's one thing to be distant and far away from them but it's another level of brutality to not be able to reach them at all. During the holidays, grief is magnified.

Distance from loved ones: work, financial constraints, or other circumstances may prevent people from being with family or friends during the holidays. I know people want to do derry December this year but their accounts won't agree; 1$ is currently N1705 - One Thousand Seven Hundred and Five Nairaaaa🤪😳 How much is flight? How much is load? How much is bag of rice? You will do xmas for family too o. Omoh...make i dey my dey jeejee🤣🤣🤣

Unrealistic Expectations: Media and societal norms often portray the holidays as perfect, making those who don’t meet these expectations feel left out. Pressure from social media. I don’t experience this because I don't particularly care for social media; nothing on there phases me. But to the people that do, please put the phone down and take a walk or meditate or read a book(s). I just got done reading a Danielle Steel novel - Lost and Found. Great one. Thank me later 🙂

All of these takes an emotional toll on you and can actually affect the mind. Feelings of sadness, anxiety, regret, and even depression often intensify during this time of the year.

So if you’re feeling lonely this holiday season, you’re definitely not alone.

Here are some ways I have dealt with or should I say navigated these emotions:

1. Acknowledge them…yea, the feelings: It’s okay to say “i feel lonely”. It's ok to realize that we live in a very lonely world. This, my friend, is the first step to addressing them.

2. Now whatchu gon do about it? Do you wanna cry because you miss somebody or some people or some place or some tradition? That's ok too… it’s very much ok to cry. It actually does help. After that, take a bath like my sister will always advise 🤣🤣 and then do whatever gives you peace. I have a coloring book. Yes, I do. It gives me peace when I color. So find what gives you peace and do it.

3. Reach out to people; family, friends, neighbors 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ Idk, people that make you happy. Or join a virtual event or attend a community gathering. Any small interactions can help combat isolation. Meetup is a good place to start. So many events and gatherings on there. The good part about virtual is that you can leave the event by just a simple tap and nobody will know.

4. Count your blessings 1 by 1….the simple things like being able to breathe and talk and smile and eat and walk….all on your own. I saw this on one article and thought, it's actually a good one. We overthink so much that we forget to be thankful for what we consider “the little things”.

My coworker had a stroke a couple of weeks ago and he is just laying in that hospital bed, not able to do the simple things he used to do and all he literally does everyday is cry….every single day. He was an active dude; would walk everywhere and tell you “don't worry, it'd be alright”. Even days when I really just want to get angry. His “O dont worry, I gotchu. It'd be alright” wont let my anger flow. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 But to know that he is not able to do any of that makes me not be so lonely. I start to count my blessings and thank God. And that lifts my spirits. To now put onions in your eyes, he has absolutely no one! No one to visit. No one to call. No! body! So appreciate what you got!

5. Create Your Own Traditions: Celebrate in a way that feels meaningful to you. Whether it’s baking your favorite treats, traveling somewhere meaningful to you, journaling; embrace activities that bring you comfort. Apparently, there is a thing called Self-gifting. Gift yourself, love it and enjoy it!

6. Practice Self-love: This is sooooo important...holiday blues or not. You must always be kind to yourself. Be about you. It's very ok to be selfish. The holidays can be tough, but you don’t have to put pressure on yourself to feel or act a certain way.

So if you know someone who might be spending the holidays alone, reach out to them; call them, send them an invitation to join your celebration, or even a heartfelt message. You’d be amazed how much of a difference that will make to them.

Even they don't attend your celebration, it will make a world of difference to know that someone is thinking of them.

While the holidays can be a challenging time, it'se also an opportunity to redefine what the season means to you. By focusing on self-care, connection, and new traditions, you can create moments of peace and joy—even in solitude.

Remember, loneliness is a shared human experience. Whether it’s through reaching out to others or finding ways to comfort yourself, know that you’re never truly alone. There is nothing new under the sun.

So this holiday season, take it one day at a time, and prioritize what makes your heart feel at ease.

Happy Holidays Beautiful People.

I wish you peace, love and harmony this season❤️